You're The One

It's hard to be alone this time of year. We're all heading home to see loved ones for the holidays, but some are even luckier to be able to add a significant other to that group. And in light of everyone here at school getting engaged and running off together, things certainly seem to be happening pretty fast. Since I don't have anyone, I'll spend the next few minutes promising the best of myself to that special someone. Someday, she'll come along.

I promise to never laugh at you when you fall on the ice. Unless you laugh first. Then, after helping you up and making sure you're all right, I'll join in.

I promise to make you my world. No matter how cluttered it seems to be at the time.

I promise to add a little love to those chocolate chip cookies I'll make you whenever you want them.

I promise to let you win when we go out and play tennis. Sometimes.

I promise to laugh at your jokes even when I don't understand them.

I promise to turn off the Christmas music if you're getting tired of it. You're that important to me.

I promise to make you breakfast in bed whenever you're not up to the task of making it yourself. I can't, however, promise it will be as delicious as when you actually make it yourself.

I promise to clean up my mess afterwards. Let's face it. Guys can be good cooks, but we're also messy customers.

I promise to be the softest cuddler but hard as a rock when it comes to protecting you.

I promise to buy you flowers just so your day can have a little sunshine.

I promise to throw that blanket on you when you fall asleep on the couch.

I promise to let you cry as much as you need to without intruding with questions like "What happened?" and "Are you all right?" If you're crying, something is clearly wrong, but it doesn't mean you want to talk about it.

I promise to have the most attentive ears.

I promise that I will cry. Someday. And there's a chance that day might come when we're watching Toy Story 3.

I promise to put actual thought into buying you gifts on special occasions.

For all other occasions, I promise the same.

I promise you can have a say in naming our children. After our first daughter.

I promise to let you dress me up whenever you feel you need to take me shopping.

I promise to like your family. Even when I don't.

I promise to help you wash the dishes. Let's face it. Just need a little mood music.

I promise to spend as much time as I need to get you that huge stuffed animal at the carnival or amusement park. Whether it be five minutes (most cases), or two hours (if you want more than one).

I promise to be there for you with a hot bowl of soup and a movie when you're sick so I can make you feel better. Softest of cuddlers, remember. And when the time is right, we'll add ice cream or chocolate to that mix.

I promise to understand that you need to have five million different pairs of shoes.

I promise to put thought into it when you tell me I need more pairs of shoes.

I promise to treat you like my girlfriend/wife when I'm hanging out with "the guys." If you're cool enough to want to hang out with my guy friends, you deserve at least that. You deserve so much more because you picked me.

I promise to tell you you're beautiful every single day. And mean it.

I promise to sit through a chick flick even if I feel like watching a thrilling action movie.

Most important of all, I promise to love you with all that I am, all that I have, and all that I hold dear. You will be my life. You - and the adorable babies we'll have someday. I promise to do these things even when we're old and sitting in our chairs, looking back on the life we've lived together. We'll cherish all of the memories we created with each other: the good and the bad. For even through those bad times, I'll have had you by my side - an ever-present source of love and hope. Whenever you choose to enter my life, I will forever remember that day: the day that the rest of my life will begin. Until then, whoever you are, I can't wait to meet you.

Tis The Season

Motivation is at an all-time low. Classes are winding down, and with them, another year is coming to a close. Homework is reaching its climax and the studying for those dreaded finals has begun. Only one more week of regular class time until that fateful first morning when we are called to recall all we know, or at least, all we think we know, about our respective courses. Concerts are planned, sporting events are scheduled, and temperatures bring chills to the warmly dressed. Yes, it is definitely Christmas season.

A time for family. From the youngest to the oldest, this time of year is perfect for showing the appreciation they deserve.
A time for friends. Those closest, and even those not so much. Anyone deserves a smile. Those closest to you deserve a lot more.
A time for relaxation. After those finals, that is. You've earned it.
A time for safety. It's good to have fun. It's also good to be responsible.
A time for food. Enjoy that home-cooked wonderfulness while you can. You who are "seasoned" understand that home food is one of the greatest blessings on the face of the Earth.
A time for games. There are so many options when you hang out with others.
A time for memories. It's the most magical time of the year. An unwritten rule exists that says memories are forever engraved in your life during this special time. Don't waste those opportunities.

Love. Live. Laugh. Give. Grow. Inspire. And have fun while doing it.

11/24/11: Assembling All Thanks

Yesterday was, as its title implied, a day of thanksgiving. To start, these are thanksgivings I've had each day for the past 24 days.

11/1/11: Senior year of jazz band.
11/2/11: 2008-2009 basketball season.
11/3/11: The gingko tree in Flora.
11/4/11: Today I am thankful for pictures. Pictures on my laptop, pictures in my room, and pictures all around that remind me of wonderful moments of the past.
11/5/11: "Remember, remember, the 5th of November." I'm thankful for V For Vendetta. Such a great movie!
11/6/11: I LOVE my family and am so incredibly thankful for each and every one of them. It's been a great weekend.
11/7/11: I'm thankful for the necklace hand-crafted for me almost a year ago.
11/8/11: So begins the longest day of my life. However, I'm thankful for Tony Almeda. What an amazing character.
11/9/11: SO thankful for tests that are over and done with, along with exciting activities to partake in at night.
11/10/11: Very thankful that I've never had a problem with registering for classes. Let's hope that keeps up.
11/11/11: Such a unique day. I'm incredibly thankful for all of the opportunities we get because we live in this great nation that's protected by the most dedicated men and women in the world. Thank you, veterans.
11/12/11: Today I'm thankful for those days that remain in my life where I can sleep in. They may not happen much longer, but for now, they're so wonderful.
11/13/11: Today I'm thankful for wonderful church hymns that let me sing praises to my Lord. To go along with that, I'm thankful for amazing organists who can really bring out the beauty of these hymns that allow me to sing all the louder.
11/14/11: Today is a day to be thankful for beautiful weather that still blesses us with its presence.
11/15/11: Today I'm thankful for volleyball and the talents God has given to me to use to praise His name.
11/16/11: I'm thankful for the beautiful moon and stars God puts in the sky.
11/17/11: I'm so very thankful for the honest people in this world.
11/18/11: Today I'm thankful for Robin Williams, Whose Line Is It Anyway?, and THANKSGIVING BREAK!!!
11/19/11: I'm so so so thankful for the wonderful bed in my room that lets me sprawl out all big and tall. Love it.
11/20/11: Today, I'm thankful for tennis and the ability to rest afterwards.
11/21/11: Thankful for We Are Marshall - one of the most powerful movies I've ever seen.
11/22/11: Thankful for the opportunity to have some fun cleaning Allie's house, and also the chance to get to see friends tonight!
11/23/11: So so SO very thankful for each and every one of my friends. You guys mean the world to me!
11/24/11: Today I'm thankful for everything I haven't yet mentioned: friends, family, possessions, memories, and more. God has blessed me with so much. Thank you, Lord! Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Here's hoping you all had a satisfying Thanksgiving meal and a great time visiting with your families. Now it's time to gear up for Christmas. One month, baby!

Missing

There's a small bulletin board that hangs on the wall in front of my desk. It only takes a simple look to see the many memories it holds. Jazz band, tennis, Adventureland trips, saxophone duets, best friends. Things I miss more than I can say. People I rarely see anymore. Events that will never now be more than memories. There's Prom junior year. That's when John and Ashley teamed up to do some hog mud wrestlin'. Oh and look! John, John, and I are swimming on the Wii while playing Mario and Sonic Olympics. Such wonderful moments...

A minute turn of my head and a graduation gift comes into full view. It's a black cardboard square with blue pie pieces puzzled together. Silver writing accompanies pictures of four of the greatest people on the planet, seen by the fifth as the closest friends one could ask for. These five people make up the senior delegation of the pie club, which has since faltered in our absence. Yet it will always remain strong and true as long as we hold true to each other. As stated on the sixth pie piece, "Without all five senior members the pie club isn't complete. [...] May the tradition never be forgotten as we grow older but never apart."
-Breanna Mathes, Ambassador

And now my screensaver pops up: a collage of the pictures and videos I've acquired throughout the past few years. There's Emily dominating the basketball court. That's our family reunited in St. Louis. Yes, Allie was pregnant with her now beautiful daughter. That's everyone at Neutral Groundz playing the 1649 version of Trivial Pursuit. That's Fernando Verdasco, one of the best professional tennis players in the world. You bet we went to the U.S. Open! And there are all the ink-soaked napkins and kleenexes we had to make use of at 11:00 at night when I decided to tip over my bottle full of India calligraphy ink. Just a sample of the many flickers of life I've experienced. Such wonderful moments...

I miss it. I miss them. I miss all of you. I miss the time when homework was annoying because it was irrelevant. I miss homework that was easy. I miss mathematical problems that had one simple solution and not ten different answers. I miss Galva. I miss basketball. I miss tennis, at least, tennis the way it used to be: without pressure. Without enormous expectations. I miss high school. I miss seeing my friends every day. I miss my room, with cool air conditioning in the summer and cozy heat in the winter. I miss my basement. I miss holidays that still let me return to a school where John Lorenzen played the saxophone, Olivia Leuschen played the flute, and Breanna Mathes ran faster than anyone around. I miss John Harris in Trig class. I miss Ben Grieme and cabbagighi. I miss Eric Rasmussen and le spot. I miss Ashley Drey and all of her horror movies. I miss my family: Matt and all of his big brother-ness; Allie and all of the fun we had with the Disney game; Caleb and all of his accents (yes, every single one of them); Christian with his fake burping; and Emily, even though she was never in the house. I miss Mom, with all of her cooking. Such amazing cooking! I miss real food. I miss having my father as a pastor, but also as a coach.

And yet, one of the things I miss most dearly is how different I was back then. How innocent everything was. How truly simple life was. And now... now things are important. I have responsibilities. I have a stupid banking assignment due Thursday that I haven't even started!

I miss it. I really do.

Visiting A Jackrabbit

One week ago today, Breanna and I had the wonderful opportunity to visit John in Brookings, South Dakota. SDSU played Indiana State at home so we were able to enjoy a full performance from the marching band: a fantastic halftime show and all the music they played between downs and quarters. It was such a great trip, and a much-needed one at that. Here are just a few samples of the fun we had.

After running at John and screaming his name like a hyena.

John showing off his amazing campus.

The band. In a word, greatness.

Man of the hour right there. Dead center.

Just a few pictures. It was a fantastic weekend. Hopefully we'll be able to do it again, except next time, we'll bring the whole posse.

Hmm...

"Dreaming of one who has passed is their way of telling you they are ok."

I read this on Facebook and it got me thinking. I'm not going to say anything concerning my opinion, but I'm curious about what you all think of this statement... Any thoughts?

When?

When is it that we find what we're looking for? When do we know if we've made the right choices? When do we accept that change is inevitable and that it's already happening? When can we be satisfied with our decisions? When - through all the tears, the hardships, the pain - will we finally reach the other side?

When can we let go? When does it dawn on us that something that once was is no longer? When can we pick up the shattered pieces? When can we put them back together?

When does life make sense? When does our path ever become straight? When will the going get smooth or enjoyable? When - through all the tears, the hardships, the pain - will shards of our scars become pages of our journey?

When?

Hold Your Horses

There has been some confusion about the future of my blog. I plan to continue posting stuff for a while yet. I apologize for being so confusing, especially with the beginning statement of my last post. That was just the end of my writing portfolio entries, not the end of my blog entirely. I was only blogging about those papers because I had nothing else to say, but hopefully events will happen in the next few days that will allow me to talk about other things. For now, the blog is still alive.

Past Brilliance Part III

This is the last installment of my writing portfolio. I hope you've all enjoyed reading some of my work.

I.

7-6. He had barely pulled the set from my fingertips. I’d had him on the ropes, but just like every other time, he had pulled off two magical shots in a row to draw the set even. Then, with an ace serve and a magnificent service return, he jumped in the air as his cry of “Come on!” echoed through the stadium. His 6’1” frame swaggered back to his chair with that air of ultimate supremacy he held over other players. Yet he was not arrogant. He was not selfish or stubborn. His sense of humility and grace went hand-in-hand with that air of superiority. Nobody had anything but respect and awe for this man. He was the greatest player to ever walk this earth. He still is and always will be the greatest player ever to play the game. And I had almost taken a set off him. It was a bittersweet moment, for if he got that first set under his belt, he only played stronger. Faster. Smarter. Better.

*

So close! I was one point away from taking the second set! Man, you just can’t let him off the hook. If that lob had been an inch deeper, I could have walked back to my chair with a sense of equality. Or something close to it. With that second set gone, I began to realize that, all things considered, he would always be better than me. All the work I had put into getting to this point just couldn’t reach the level of skill, wit, elegance, and speed that he used to dominate every opponent.

I got up from my chair and walked to the baseline. I had two options. I could fight as hard as I could to make this match as intense as possible, or I could give in, considering how steep of an incline I had to conquer. I chose the former. The American spirit in me cheered me on, urging me to fight to the death. I could hear my name being chanted. I took a deep breath. The crowd began to mount a final roar, hoping I would rally. Suddenly, there was a loud crash.

My roommate had dropped his suitcase. I rolled over. 12:45. I had to get up in less than seven hours. Roger Federer’s face flickered in front of mine, and I smiled to myself, realizing that I had come so close to beating my idol.

II.

Calm. Peace. Brightness. I stood up. Trees of all colors swayed gently in the breeze, whose breath delicately blew across my face. Sunlight filtered through the high canopy, its fingers gently caressing the ground below. A certain tree beckoned to me, its branches swaying hypnotically. I walked towards it. Golden pears glowed in the dancing beams of the sun. I was under it now. I slowly reached up and plucked one of the radiant fruits. I held it in my hands, admiring its perfection. Sparkling light bounced off my treat as I slowly brought it to my mouth.

A sliver of light landed upon my face as my roommate went off to brush his teeth, leaving the door ajar. 12:49. I could almost taste that juicy, succulent pear and I longed to fall asleep again and return to that place. I buried myself in my blankets.

III.

Clouds flew past me. I was weightless. Flying? I couldn’t be. Suddenly, I broke through. Mountains loomed in the distance. I looked down and gasped. Rugged terrain passed underneath as I soared above. Fields, meadows, forests, houses – all passed beneath as I blazed over them. I dove. I rushed toward the ground with such speed that wind didn’t even whistle in my ears. I was a silent predator. An invisible ambassador of flight. I pulled up with such poise and strength the world had never known. I slowed enough to wave to a small child playing in a garden. He waved back with a huge smile on his face. I winked and was off again. I angled up and ascended to the top of the tallest mountain. Everything was a blur. Suddenly, I was falling. Cold air engulfed my body.

I shivered. My blankets were falling. I lunged for them as they plummeted toward the floor. Success! Yet their pleasurable warmth could not stop the shiver running down my spine. Falling. The idea terrified me. 3:45.

IV.

Blood flowed freely from the gash that had been torn into his upper lip. His arm had been broken and now it lay there, bent into a grotesque shape that should never be on the human body. His body lay crumpled, defeated. So broken. So lifeless. Bruises numbered with the freckles that populated his arms, neck and face. The only signs of life were the short, gasping rasps that escaped the threshold of his mouth. And there I was. They tied me to a chair. They made me watch as they picked him up and slowly beat the life out of him. I had no power. I had no control. I sat there and watched him slowly buckle. I was crying: tears covered my face. I kept shouting for them to stop. I pleaded with all my might. Yet my attempts were futile. Another punch to his gut. Another slash at his face. His groans were the worst part. After a while, he gave in. He fought no more. The spark that had initially glowed upon his face had burned out. With a final, helpless glance at me, he collapsed. But they didn’t stop. They kicked his sides. They hit him with bats. They slugged him with crowbars. His back. His legs. His head.

Suddenly, there was silence. They stood over him, gloating over the body they had just shattered. I wanted to look away, but the sight of his broken body, once so strong and virile, was something I had never hoped to witness. With a final jab at his stomach, they left the room. I was all alone. My best friend was dead. From somewhere in the ceiling a spotlight was switched on, illuminating me in a small circle of unfeeling, unforgiving light. I squinted in the sudden brightness. Someone was approaching. He was holding a knife in his hand.

The first rays of dawn peeked in through the window. 6:50. His face, so full of agony and hurt, swam in front of me, his eyes fixing on me with such sadness that I had never expected to see. No. Please, God, no. I jumped out of bed and flew across the room to my desk. I had to make sure he was all right.

Past Brilliance Part II

This is the second part of my portfolio. It's the final draft of my fiction piece that was, to me, some of my best work. I hope you enjoy it.

~~~

Just keep going. Her face was perspiring as it never had, sweat stinging her eyes, but she forced her legs to keep turning over. Her entire body screamed at her to stop, take a breath, but she knew that if she slowed, he would catch her. If only I hadn’t snooped. Things were fine until I found out about his – No. She couldn’t think about that now. Her very existence depended on her mind being in one place. One false step and – No. She couldn’t think about that either.

The only problem was she had never been here before. Before tonight, she wasn’t even aware this place existed. Then again, there were a lot of things that had come to light tonight, and now the person she trusted most in the whole world was nothing more than a twisted, sinister madman, as dark and as crooked as the winding passageway through which she was running. If it weren’t for the small amounts of light that trickled through doors that appeared at random intervals on either side of her, she wouldn’t have made it as far as she did. Yet she could still hear him, steadily getting closer. His grunts echoed eerily off the walls, sounding as if they were everywhere at once. She didn’t even know if he was in front of her or behind her. For all she knew, he might pop out of any door and catch her. She kept running. And running.

But it wasn’t enough. She turned yet another corner, and there he stood, his dark silhouette hunched over and gasping for air. But just like a wolf eyeing a helpless victim, he stared at her with ever-burning eyes that held all the hate and anger in the world. Almost hungry eyes. She knew she should turn the other way, maybe try and outrun him, but her legs had shut down. Her heart was pounding in her ears, and she pleaded with her body to comply. Yet there was no response. He took a step forward. She closed her eyes and accepted her fate. Within seconds, he was on her.

*          *          *

                He was nowhere to be seen. Max scanned the bleachers, the parking lot, the concession stand, and the bathroom facilities. He couldn’t spot his dad anywhere: not talking to other fans, not arguing over prices at the concession stand, nothing. He just wasn’t there.

            But he promised. He promised he would come Max thought to himself. It’s the championship game. He promised he wouldn’t miss this one.

            “Strike one!” the umpire yelled. Crap! Pay attention! He stepped out of the batter’s box, took a deep breath, swung once, and re-entered his arena. This was his time, his moment to shine. This was his team, his field. Max had owned this sport since he could throw a baseball. And now it was his last game: the conference championship, final inning, one out, down one. Robert had just crushed a double into right-center and was poised on second, just waiting for Max to hit him home.

            A swing and a miss. “Strike two!” No! That was my pitch! Come on, Max! He stepped out again. Why aren’t you here, Dad? Why can you never make it to anything I participate in? Concerts, games, speech meets… He stepped back in the box. “Focus!” he said under his breath as the pitcher readied himself on the mount. There was the pitch, inside, just how Max liked it. A lights-out swing. Contact.

*          *          *

            “Hello?” The kitchen door shut behind him as he entered the house. “Mom? Dad?” He dropped his equipment down in the living room and went to search the floor for any sign of life. That’s odd. At least Mom is usually home by now, Max thought as he came out of his parents’ bedroom. He searched the basement. Nothing. Not even a load of laundry in the washer. The usual aroma of fresh, homemade bread was missing as he again went through the kitchen. No Wheel of Fortune was playing on the television. His mother wasn’t quietly humming to herself as she ironed his shirts.

            “Hmm…” He climbed the stairs to the second floor. Wait! What was that? A noise sounded from his father’s study.

            “Dad?” He knocked twice. No answer. “Dad! You in there?” He jiggled the doorknob. It was unlocked. He turned the handle and slowly pushed the door open.

            “Holy crap.”

            The room was a catastrophe. Books lay everywhere, some missing pages, others having no pages at all. The light fixture on the ceiling had been smashed, littering the ground with shards of glass. The desk had been overturned, its contents strewn about all over the room. Drawers had been emptied. Folders had been rifled through. Spots of red liquid dotted the floor and clung to the broken glass for dear life. The window on the far end had apparently been hit with something heavy, for a cracked web weaved darkness and faint moonlight into the room, casting an eerie glow on its contents. Another small ray of light passed right down the middle of the room, and Max turned to see a small beam of faint light running vertically up the near wall. A door? Since when has there been a door there?

            He started to make his way across the room, trying his best to avoid the broken glass. He had never seen his father’s study in such disarray. He bent down to examine the red substance more closely. His hair stood on end and a chill ran down his spine. Blood. Why is there blood on the floor of my dad’s study? And now that he was in the room, more and more blood kept showing up. It was on book pages, newspapers, broken glass, the desk, and even a little on the bookcases. And not just drops. There was a smudge by the outlet on one of the walls, and as Max drew closer to the hidden door, he noticed there was a small puddle of it in the room beyond. Fear slowly started to wash over him. As he reached the door, the hair on the back of his neck stood up. Someone was watching him. He wheeled around. Nothing. He scanned the whole room once more, and then turned back. He pushed the hidden door slightly and it creaked open.

            A small bulb hung from the ceiling, basking the small room in a faint yellow glow that illuminated numerous newspaper articles that were pinned to the walls. Pictures of different people with giant X’s through the middle were attached to each article. These individuals were strange to Max. He had never seen them before in his life, and he didn’t like the way each article they were attached to had a title dealing with murder. “Couple slain in park.” “Child found stabbed to death.” “Woman shot at point-blank range.” Max started to feel nauseous. He almost turned away and left, but then something caught his eye. From the far side, his mother gazed at him from a small photo. She must’ve been gardening. Her hair was disheveled, her hands were dirty, and her apron was torn. Yet she had the biggest smile on her face. She was always happiest in her garden, Max thought as a faint smile crossed his face.

            Then something else caught his eye. Many of the articles seemed to have a sentence highlighted vividly in blue. After perusing through some of them, he found that each highlighted sentence was the date and time each victim had been killed. And while Max still didn’t know any of these people, the times seemed oddly familiar to him.

            “How can that be?” he wondered aloud as he continued to read through each article. He searched his brain for a logical answer. And then it hit him. This one had been the time of his Christmas band concert last year. That one had been the starting time of his junior-year district baseball championship. That one had been his graduation ceremony! And they all had one thing in common.

            No. It can’t be. No. No way. Max felt like he was going to throw up. An unsettling fear had flooded his body, and he turned around to run from this horrific scene. He was just about out the door, when he stopped. Something wasn’t right. He slowly rotated back to face his mother’s picture. Unlike the others, there was no X on this one. No article accompanied the photo explaining how she was mercilessly killed by some raving madman. Tears began to well in Max’s eyes as the horrible realization came to him. He couldn’t take it any longer. He bolted from the room, and was just about to flee from his father’s study when he ran headlong into a shadowy figure that stood in the doorway. The collision sent both of them sprawling backwards.

            “Dad!” Max exclaimed as he righted himself. The shadowy form had gotten back on his feet and was staring at Max with such intensity that his gaze seemed to penetrate Max’s body and hit the wall behind him. He knows. He knows I know. He looked around for any chance of escape, but the only route was blocked by the hulking form that continued to watch Max with an almost hungry look. So many thoughts ran through Max’s mind, but he could only venture two words.

            “Why, Dad?”

            “Nosy, just like your mother. Didn’t go so well for her.” And with a sneer, he pounced.

*          *          *

            Breath came in short, raspy gasps. The cut on his arm bled profusely. His head was spinning from the book that had collided with it. He could barely stand. It had taken him ages just to reach the window. Yet he forced himself to stand there and look down to the ground a story below. There he lay, his dark form broken and beaten. His neck had twisted the wrong way upon contact, and now his figure lay crumpled in a heap on the sidewalk. The window hadn’t been able to withstand his body a second time and had broken right when impact was made. With a final, hateful glare, he had toppled backwards into the night. And now he was gone. He could do no more harm.

            Max found the telephone hidden underneath the desk. He dialed.

            “9-1-1, what’s your emergency?”

Past Brilliance Part I

It's been quite a long time since my last entry. Things have been crazy these past few weeks and they only promise to get more chaotic, so I thought that while I have a moment, I'd share some of my writing from last year for a class I took. I think I'll break it up between the three final entries I turned in for my final portfolio. Here's the poetry section:

 “Row 24”

Polar opposites sit on either side.

One has chosen to opt for sanity

and drifts off to a world of dreams,

wishful thinkings, and faraway lands.

SILENCE.

The other is enjoying a rather

catchy beat if the rhythm her

foot is tapping on my leg is

any clue. Head bobbing,

fingers drumming, she allows

her mind to wander to

wherever the music takes her.

ENERGY.

Her head rests on her hand.

A sweater gently enfolds her

as her mind floats elsewhere.

Hair cascades down her face

as she slowly breathes in and out.

TRANQUILITY.

Her clothes shout even louder

than the baby a few aisles back.

She can’t stop moving, for the

music sends a pulse through her soul

that is just as alive as the one

flowing through her body.

LIFE.

And yet both sit on either side, allowing life to take them wherever it pleases.

*             *             *

True Art

The crowd applauds.

A cheer here,

a shout there.

And then silence.

Not a sound escapes a single mouth.

Breath itself is scarce.

Yet the players never stop

running back and forth,

emitting unearthly grunts with each swing.

Their feet, endless whirls of color,

pound the surface.

Rackets are swung with immeasurable force

And as they fly through the air,

they meet the only thing standing in the way

of victory and their wielder:

An opponent that lacks size

but is almost impossible to control perfectly.

A deceiving ball of fuzz

That never tires
and holds the power to determine the difference

between victory and defeat.

*             *             *

The Magical World of the Sky

A different world above the clouds.

A place without hurt, anger, or crowds.

Eternally weightless and ever-serene.

A utopia that shimmers with its own glorious sheen.

Floors of white cotton with softness assured.

The world down below is misty and blurred.

Occasional mountains, towering bright,

Displaying majesty, brilliance, and might.

Walls don’t exist; this world never ends.

No restrictions apply. Rules die, law bends;

Just clouds that lie dormant, suspended in time,

Forever revolving, effortless, sublime.

A world of pure light, of multiple shades;

The sun forming rainbows that fall in cascades.

The sun’s gold is here too. It takes up all space.

It kisses the clouds and caresses the sky’s face.

It flies through the air, illuminating each crack,

Beating darkness to rubble, not leaving its track.

Fear shudders and leaves, imagination roams free.

Confinement’s not here: only His cousin to see.

Yet mystery still exists. Its presence is sly,

For this is the magical world of the sky.

Friendly Advice

Being a friend is sometimes a thankless opportunity. Yet we continue to sacrifice what we want for what they need. Why? Because they mean the world to us. They give us their time, their patience, their understanding - their ears, their shoulders, their hearts. It's only natural that we return the favor. Sometimes it goes unnoticed, but when they return that affection, we simply glow. We fly into a realm that is entirely our own, for in that one second, that one instant, we taste heaven.

We don't always know if we're doing the right thing. Part of life is finding out, even if it means realizing that we're doing something wrong. Yet realizing this is the only way we can improve. Realizing that we are making a mistake is the only way to fix whatever it is that's going wrong: with our friends, our families, and even our lives in general.

It is for this reason that friends are so important. The support they provide, the strength they give, and the confidence they inspire allow us to accept ourselves, even when we do make those mistakes. After all, we're only human. We all make mistakes. "It's how we go about fixing them that matters." The way we choose to act reflects our innermost being. Our innermost being is affected by those we love, for such an image is strengthened by their courage and motivation. Yet it can also be weakened by neglect, and therein lies the essential part of friendship: love. Friendship isn't only one of the greatest opportunities, it's also one of our greatest responsibilities, and as such, we must put every effort into being the best friend we can be. To everyone.

Food for thought.

Time Just Never Slows Down

I can't believe it's already my last day of vacation. It seems like it was only a few hours ago that I got off of work last Wednesday. It was such a glorious occasion. It was even a fast day at King's Pointe. Well, you can just imagine what time has done since then. From Saturday on, things kind of blurred together. There's not a single fiber in my body that wants to go back to work, so I'll give out this one final hoorah to recap what has been a memorable break.

Thursday: The day of Ames. I woke up at 8:15 and got ready to accompany Olivia and Breanna to Ames where Olivia was to show us her little corner of the world. We were off by 9:30. The car ride there was quite interesting, for in those two or so hours, I discovered that Olivia and Breanna both experience road rage, rain isn't always a dampener, and Cheerios is pretty much my new favorite cereal. We arrived in Ames amidst clouds and sunshine and got the quick tour of the outskirts of campus. We then drove to some apartments that one of Olivia's friends was staying in. There we met up with Allyson and Mischa and proceeded to lunch at Panera. On the way, we picked up another friend of Olivia's: Jared Knight, the vice president of Iowa State's student body. If it helps, he reminded Breanna and me of a cross between Ben Grieme and Mark Cronin. He was quiet at first, but as soon as he realized that Breanna and I are two of the coolest people ever, he opened up a little.
Panera was wonderful. Afterwards, we dropped Jared back off at the Union since he had lots of freshman orientation stuff to do. What followed was the most extravagant tour of a college campus I've ever had the opportunity to take. I'm convinced that I didn't go on as many college visits as I should have in high school. Iowa State has one of the most amazing campuses I've ever seen. Breanna and I were overwhelmed with all Iowa State had to offer. Instead of going to Greece, we might just have to transfer to Ames.
We then made our way to Main Street where we sampled some spectacular cupcakes, inhabited the most comfortable couch ever, and ate at Old Main where we met up with Giff and five more of Olivia's group. It was quite a group. It was so much fun seeing Giff again. I'm pretty sure that if the waitress had been paying more attention, we might've been thrown out. We sure were acting like a couple of five-year-olds. Just like old times, huh?
After spending some time in another apartment, which belonged to the friends we met up with at Old Main, it was time to say goodbye. After bidding farewell to Olivia's friends, and after playing some updated rock-paper-scissors with Ben, Olivia, Breanna, and I hopped back into the car and drove back to northwest Iowa. It was a comfortable ride back, and we all arrived home exhausted, but thankful for such a wonderful day. That was my Thursday.

Friday: The day of Okoboji. What a day it was. I woke up around eight to prepare for what promised to be a spectacular day of fun on the lake. John arrived around nine and after making a quick pitstop at the bank, we were off. (In my grandmother's Malibu since my golden wonder was being repaired).
The drive up was quite interesting. You never know what you're gonna get with John in the car. We made a quick detour to Alta so he could drop off his saxophone, then completed the journey about an hour later. We arrived amidst some cloud cover, but it was a warm day and rain was not an imminent threat. (This was good for both of us since neither of us had any motivation to put on sunscreen).
Introductions were brief. At first, I was worried that it would be a little awkward for John since he would be surrounded by Eggers, but as I've alluded to in previous posts, John is quite an enjoyable guy and they all liked him instantly. We were soon on the boat heading to get gas. While waiting, we conquered what is called, in those parts, the Iceberg. We climbed to the top and jumped into the unknown, some of us having more luck than others. (John continually slipped and belly/back flopped. It was a fate we all suffered every now and again). But then it was time for tubing.
John and I went first. Instead of Uncle Carl driving, however, Aunt Sue took over the wheel. Carl and Brody were in St. Louis for a basketball tournament, so it was John, me, Aunt Sue, the girls, and some of their cousins from California. We volunteered to go first and we climbed onto the tube. Oh man, were we in for quite a ride! I had the opportunity of going last summer, too, so I knew what to expect. To some degree. Turns out Aunt Sue is quite a driver and we were soon hanging on for dear life. I felt so bad going over bumps because I'm not as strong as John so my grip would sometimes weaken and my forearm would go flying into his face. I shudder to think if the opposite had happened, considering his forearm is the size of my thigh.
We went for about three rounds, meaning we fell off three times and then called it good. Our fingers were burning with the strain of hanging on for such an intense ride and I had a tube burn on my elbow after the first five minutes. Quite the usual. We climbed into the boat and let the cousins have their turn. They weren't nearly as professional as we were, but that's to be expected when you get young 'uns trying to do grownup jobs.
Dark clouds forced us inside after about an hour-and-a-half on the water. We settled into cold meat sandwiches, carrots, and mac-n-cheese. John took this opportunity to show us his ability to make sandwiches as tall as the Empire State Building. It was pretty entertaining.
After lunch, we walked around the lake and went to Arnold's Park to discover that Craig Morgan was holding a concert there that night. We searched for him but were unsuccessful in spotting the celebrity. We went back to the condo and sat around until we decided to boat over to the Barefoot Bar. We took our time getting there and I got to go tubing one more time with Brittany. Again, forearm in the face. I should probably work on that.
After relaxing with refreshments and browsing the shops, we headed back to the condo where we got ready to head back. We said goodbye to the Urbandale cousins and their cousins and started our drive home. We stopped in Spencer at the Taco Bell and got some wonderful, warm Mexican food. We also stopped in Alta again so John could practice a saxophone duet with his sister. Since he wouldn't let me listen, I chatted with Katie's husband, Kyle, and his parents. They're a very nice family, and they sent us off with oatmeal M&M cookies. Our final stop was at Allie and Justin's house. I wanted to visit their house, but I mostly just wanted to hold Chloe for a little bit and give John that same chance, but sadly she had just been put down for the night so we left soon after arriving. We got back to Galva around 8:30 and John drove back to Holstein. What did I learn that day? John puts enough food on his sandwiches to feed the entire nation of Zimbabwe. That was my Friday.

Saturday: A day that was supposed to see me get all muddy playing volleyball turned into a day that saw me dressed up and sitting in a funeral home. John's grandmother passed away last week so he was not able to join our volleyball team. However, mud volleyball was cancelled due to there not being enough teams to compete, so I travelled with my mother to Anthon for John's grandma's funeral. There were certainly a lot of people there. I'm surprised we were able to find a seat. It was a really nice service and I was able to hear John's duet after all. It was a beautiful arrangement of one of my favorite hymns: How Great Thou Art. John looked the part in a stellar black suit that would even shame an ensemble worn by Preston Sunderman, and he was even nice enough to come back and say hi to us before it all started. On our way home, we stopped at the ice cream place in Correctionville for a treat. The rest of the day saw me lounge around and do some much-needed relaxing. My whole entire body hurt from the previous day's excitement, so it felt nice to sit down and be lazy. That was my Saturday.

Sunday & Monday: These two days were the same as Saturday afternoon and evening. I watched movies, I read my book, and checked Facebook way too many times. The only thing worthy to mention was that last night I finally got to play some tennis against my father and beat him 6-0 6-0 under the lights in Holstein. It was great to finally get out again and I felt pretty good throughout the entire contest. That was my Sunday and Monday.

So here I sit on the last day of my vacation. I knew it wouldn't last long and it really has gone by very quickly. Yet I was able to have a fantastic five days. And now it's my sixth and final chance to have a relaxing, pleasant day with my family. Today, my goal is to have a pleasant sendoff into the two-and-a-half weeks left of work. Only fourteen days left at King's Pointe. It's going to be unbelievably busy, but I think that if I take it one day at a time, things should be all right. There's my recap, and here's me saying that I hope all your summers are exciting and that you're all able to spend lots of time with friends and family. Cole out.

Happy Birthday, John!

As you can see, John is no ordinary 21-year-old.

He picks up snapping turtles on the side of the road.

He designs his own Gene Simmons costumes for Halloween.



He sharpens pencils with a knife the length of his forearm.

And yet like all 21-year-olds, John is out celebrating. Twenty-one. It's funny how we thought this day would never come. I mean, where did the last twenty years go? I guess we'll just have to wait and see what it's like to reach such an important milestone. But today is John's day. He's owned this day since he was born. Happy birthday to the greatest friend in the world. Hope you're enjoying yourself.

Goodbye June

We all know that time flies when you're having fun. We've all experienced those moments where we're loving our summer break, spending hours upon hours with our closest friends, and making memories that will last us a lifetime. The times we spend playing four square, lounging out at le spot, golfing, bowling, watching movies, staying up late talking... these are the times we enjoy the most. Before we know it, they're fleeting shadows of past memories that fade with time, yet never fully vanish.

And then there are those summers that are completely taken over by work. Whether we work outside in the heat of the day for a plumber, check people into a hotel, or add up a customer's bill in the checkout line at Fareway, we all know what it's like to have work take over our lives. We realize that our schedules clash, our free time doesn't line up. We don't have the luxury of seeing our friends as much as we would like to. Some of us don't see our friends at all. We get fleeting chances that allow a glimpse of what it used to be like "back in the day," but then it's time to go home and sleep before work the next day. We've never been this busy before and it takes time to adjust to this new "lifestyle." Work becomes the norm and friends take a backseat, even though we try our best not to let that happen.

Well, this is one of those summers. It feels like we've done nothing but work, which seems to go really slow. But then we look at the calendar and find that June is now over! We've spent time together, sure, but in reality, those moments have been few and far between. July starts tomorrow. Our summer is now half over. Before you know it, it will be the end of July and we'll only have a few weeks left together. Then we'll be packing everything up once again and heading off to start yet another year of school.

It is for this reason that I encourage everyone to find time for those you love. Those special people in your life that you find irreplaceable. They mean the world to us and we wouldn't be who we are today without them. Instead of thinking that the summer is half over, think of all the time left to spend with all of your friends. Think of all the things you haven't done yet that you can still accomplish in this second half of the summer. Do something crazy. Do something daring. Do something unique. Spend time talking about the future. It's a scary topic, yet one that can be conquered in the confidence of your closest friends. Get to know each other more than you ever have before, for it is these relationships that will last us all a lifetime. "...That way, when their bodies leave, they won't." It was my Facebook status for a time, and now I'm using it here. It's a great quote.

Bring on July!

"All By Myself"

It's been said that Joey and Chandler were an inspiration to all best friends around the world. I truly believe that statement. This is my favorite show of all time and this link is a tribute to all of those best friends out there: how we simply wouldn't be the same if they weren't in our lives. How they make us happier than any other person in the world. This is what my life would be like without you.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ilIwu1NTxqs&feature=related

Inspiration

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about - don't deal in lies -
Or being hated - don't give way to hating -
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!

*Rudyard Kipling

May It Never Die

I met you when I moved to town,
A small and frightened boy,
When I walked through that door at school,
Feeling no happiness or joy.

Your eyes joined many in that room
As they looked me up and down.
I froze on the spot and could not move
Since every face had a frown.

Or so I thought since I was so young,
A scared little boy of nine.
While really the situation was much less dire
And a code red dilemma was fine.

Yet still I remained very quiet and still
For fear wouldn't let me proceed.
It took a little prodding and some kind, gentle words
For my movement to finally succeed.

Those first couple days were hopelessly lost
In a sea of confusion and doubt.
I refused to speak, I didn't have any friends -
Some days I just wanted to shout!

Yet God is good in every way
For in time He brought you to me.
A reason to hope was born into my life
And my eyes that were blind could now see.

We grew up apart, living in two separate worlds,
Galva mine, Holstein your own.
We liked different things. Hobbies changed with the times.
Then into each others' paths we were thrown.

We still weren't alike but we sure didn't care
For one thing we shared like two kings:
The band room was ours, our kingdom of might,
And we ruled it as emperors on wings.

We hovered above our kingdom with pride,
Watching it grow stronger each day.
We led it with skill, our shoes too big to fill,
Making more and more allies on the way.

Our three other friends who shared in our reign:
Three queens that ruled graceful and true.
From the flute section they played their soft, flowing notes.
Instruments made music that flew.

But then we were done. Graduation was here.
We left after a summer of fun.
For one, college reminded of memories lost
For the other, of victories won.

We communicated all year, for we'd grown very close
Thanks to car rides and hide-and-go-seek.
Those nights we spent talking about all kinds of things
Made us stronger, our futures less bleak.

We don't always agree, but what if we did?
Our friendship would be boring and dull.
One personality would fail to compliment the other.
Emotional wells wouldn't be full.

We motivate, understand, and generally support
Each other in our actions and deeds.
The one picks the other up off of the ground,
And on his positivity he feeds.

The one on the ground showers the other with praise,
For his spirits get lifted each day.
He's come to the understanding that his friend is much more
Than a person to help along the way.

The other is strong, unbelievably so,
With power beyond even his own imagination.
He believes in the good of every human being,
Every part of God's good creation.

Because of these traits, we make one heck of a pair,
For we strengthen each other in many ways.
What one doesn't have, the other holds plenty:
In this cycle our friendship stays.

Some say that we are two peas in a pod
But with this statement I disagree most strongly,
For there are many, many things about this relationship
That some compare most wrongly.

Yet we're the closest of friends, inseparable at times,
And forever our friendship will last.
For we know that forever one will be there for the other.
In the future it will be as in the past.

So here is to all the great times that we've had
I'm grateful every day for someone like you.
May we never forget one another in time
And may our friendship ever hold true.

Trust: Is It Really Needed?

What is it like to not trust anyone to the fullest extent? What is it like to not have that one person - that one individual that we can always have confidence in - to place our faith in? How can we possibly go through life with that ever-present sense of doubt that maybe, just maybe, even our best friend might abandon us?

I just read a note someone wrote and one of the questions was answered with this reply: "Puh, I don't trust anybody 100%, but there are people that I do trust a lot." I had to read that line a few times just to make sure I was seeing the words correctly.

It never occurred to me how much trust I put in the relationships that I have with so many different people. It's something I haven't thought about for a very, very long time. Yet even though this isn't a topic that crosses my mind every day, I'm fairly certain that trust is one of the most crucial aspects of any relationship: your best friend, your little sister, your parents, or even with a complete stranger. Think about it. Even with a complete stranger we at least trust that they won't come storming at us with a knife or ax and start tearing us to pieces. That's basically the limit of trust we are capable of having with a stranger.

Of course friendships are much more intricate. Friends are past the point where all they know about a person is their eye color and the way their smile makes them look like a serial killer. A friend is someone we share our secrets with. Some of our ugliest skeletons come out when we open up those closet doors, and because of the gravity of some of those situations, we put faith in our audience and hope that they have the decency, integrity, and respect to hold our secrets as close to their hearts as we hold them to ours. Sometimes it's not easy for us to shine light in those dark, dusty catacombs, and even when we let light in, there's a small part of us that is a little wary of how much we allow to permeate that darkness. Yet the more light we allow to infuse hope into our lives, the more open we become and the more trust we bestow on those we believe have the maturity, intelligence, and nobility to entrust our secrets to.

It soon becomes second nature for us to put our trust in others. Some would argue that this occurrence is a bad thing because it has the potential to set us up for enormous heartbreak. Some are not so lucky: trust can be betrayed and friendships can be ruined. Lives can be destroyed because of the lies and deceit that sometimes invade such perfect equilibrium. Yet the ability to balance vulnerability and protection is, as I like to call it, a "juggling act of art." It's something into which we all could put a little more effort. Is putting your full trust in someone a bad thing? I strongly believe that it is not. Is there the chance of trust being neglected? Of course. Yet even those situations allow us to modify our idea of trust and rebuild it so it is stronger for the next time around. Not only do those situations strengthen our idea of trust, they also give us power beyond measure, for they provide us with room to grow.

The Awakening

This was sent to me by one of my closest friends. If any of you had the misfortune of reading my last entry, you'll find that there are so many things in this piece that fit perfectly into the puzzle that is my life. The further I got into this article, the more I kept saying to myself, "Wow. Maybe it's about time I put this into practice." I bet I said that to myself more than ten times. I thought I'd share it with all of you. Maybe it will help you as much as it's helped me.

P.S. I want to apologize for that post last night. Things kind of spiraled out of control. With this article, however, I'm hoping something like that will never happen again. May God bless your week, and remember: A smile can change someone's life. Enjoy.

                                                       *          *          *

A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out, "ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on." Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is your awakening.

You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety, and security to magically appear over the next horizon.

You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings, and that any guarantee of happily ever after must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.

You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are. And that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.

You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of new-found confidence is born of self-approval.

You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you or didn't do for you and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.

You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn't always about you.

So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.

You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.

You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.

You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.

You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing, and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a consumer looking for your next fix.

You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.

You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world, and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the
stake.

Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.

You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.

You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.

You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.

You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.

You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.

More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.

You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it. To give in to fear is to give away the right
to live life on your own terms.

You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.

You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. You learn not to always take it personally.

You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.

You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.

You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.

Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.

You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.

Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.

Day 5

Well, the first week is over. It sure was an information-filled start, but I got through the first week so that's got to count for something.

Today was busy. BV has their graduation tomorrow (?) and so people were checking in all day. I was actually lucky because when people weren't checking in or asking for some kind of instructions, I was busy doing odd jobs for one of the managers. It included paperwork. Lots of it, too, but I didn't mind at all. One, because it gave me something to do, and two, it helped make the time go a lot faster. Throw in a great plate of spaghetti with fantastic Texas Toast and today was easily the best of the five. I helped a woman set a reservation straight by talking on the phone for a solid half hour, checking and re-checking every little detail to make sure everything was as she wanted it to be. The good news is she was really nice and patient about the whole thing, which made it that much easier. I love it when that happens.

But the best part of my Friday was driving to Sioux City with John, picking out a graduation present that evoked laughs and thoughtful sighs, and then meeting the other John to go see Pirates 4. I'm very easily entertained, and this movie was no exception. I loved it. The other two weren't quite as ecstatic, but that's of no matter. I liked it and will continue to like it for a long time.

So tomorrow is a day off. A day to sleep in. A day to leisurely practice organ for Sunday. A day to maybe do a little accounting homework, but don't count on it. A day to bounce around to graduations with dear friends. A day to enjoy time with my friends and family. Another day. Before we know it, it'll be gone. But let's not go thinking about that before it happens. Let's enjoy it first. Goodnight, and happy 21st to you all!

Day 4

Another day over. Yet another afternoon of financial accounting taking over my life. Yet another homework assignment that tells me I'm going to fail in the business world. Quite a stellar day if you think about it.

Work started out horrendously. A woman came in around 9:15. I believe she's set to get married in September and has a whole block of rooms reserved at the resort for anyone who wants to use them. Yesterday, I was handling a reservation of one individual who was looking to use a room in that block. Being new, I wasn't quite sure what I was doing, but since I'm a good little boy, I asked my manager for help. She ended up handling it, which was fine with me, and we went on our merry way. But then this woman shows up and starts freaking out about how that individual was given a rate that was way over the price that she had negotiated with the hotel earlier in the year. I had to go get another manager who helps at the front desk, and she proceeded to calm this woman down while handling the problem on my computer. While fixing this dilemma, she tried to show me how to handle these situations. Her hands were moving faster than I've ever seen, and she expected me to understand every single step, even though each step lasted a few milliseconds and then she was on to the next one. She was pushing so many buttons. She was clicking so many icons. Everything was moving too fast for me to follow. And then she left, thinking that she had done such a wonderful job. I stood there feeling incredibly stupid and dense. This job makes me feel that way every day. Everyone I work with knows how to deal with almost any problem that arises, and there I am, taking up space and cringing under the intense gazes of managers and customers alike.

The rest of the day was fine. Nothing major went wrong, which is always a plus in my book. Yet I can't get the feeling that my bosses are starting to get a little frustrated with me. I think they were hoping that I'd know more by now. But I don't. I spend eight hours a day in the main lobby and all I'm good for is making reservations. And I'm still not even sure I have that down. I've had to keep telling myself that I'll get better, but there comes a point when you just have to accept the inevitable. Was I meant to do well at this job? I don't think so anymore. And yet I'll have to stick it out for what looks like the rest of the summer because I have no other option. I'm as broke as any college student and not getting any less so for some time now. What a great twenty years I have to look forward to.