What is it like to not trust anyone to the fullest extent? What is it like to not have that one person - that one individual that we can always have confidence in - to place our faith in? How can we possibly go through life with that ever-present sense of doubt that maybe, just maybe, even our best friend might abandon us?
I just read a note someone wrote and one of the questions was answered with this reply: "Puh, I don't trust anybody 100%, but there are people that I do trust a lot." I had to read that line a few times just to make sure I was seeing the words correctly.
It never occurred to me how much trust I put in the relationships that I have with so many different people. It's something I haven't thought about for a very, very long time. Yet even though this isn't a topic that crosses my mind every day, I'm fairly certain that trust is one of the most crucial aspects of any relationship: your best friend, your little sister, your parents, or even with a complete stranger. Think about it. Even with a complete stranger we at least trust that they won't come storming at us with a knife or ax and start tearing us to pieces. That's basically the limit of trust we are capable of having with a stranger.
Of course friendships are much more intricate. Friends are past the point where all they know about a person is their eye color and the way their smile makes them look like a serial killer. A friend is someone we share our secrets with. Some of our ugliest skeletons come out when we open up those closet doors, and because of the gravity of some of those situations, we put faith in our audience and hope that they have the decency, integrity, and respect to hold our secrets as close to their hearts as we hold them to ours. Sometimes it's not easy for us to shine light in those dark, dusty catacombs, and even when we let light in, there's a small part of us that is a little wary of how much we allow to permeate that darkness. Yet the more light we allow to infuse hope into our lives, the more open we become and the more trust we bestow on those we believe have the maturity, intelligence, and nobility to entrust our secrets to.
It soon becomes second nature for us to put our trust in others. Some would argue that this occurrence is a bad thing because it has the potential to set us up for enormous heartbreak. Some are not so lucky: trust can be betrayed and friendships can be ruined. Lives can be destroyed because of the lies and deceit that sometimes invade such perfect equilibrium. Yet the ability to balance vulnerability and protection is, as I like to call it, a "juggling act of art." It's something into which we all could put a little more effort. Is putting your full trust in someone a bad thing? I strongly believe that it is not. Is there the chance of trust being neglected? Of course. Yet even those situations allow us to modify our idea of trust and rebuild it so it is stronger for the next time around. Not only do those situations strengthen our idea of trust, they also give us power beyond measure, for they provide us with room to grow.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Monday, May 30, 2011
The Awakening
This was sent to me by one of my closest friends. If any of you had the misfortune of reading my last entry, you'll find that there are so many things in this piece that fit perfectly into the puzzle that is my life. The further I got into this article, the more I kept saying to myself, "Wow. Maybe it's about time I put this into practice." I bet I said that to myself more than ten times. I thought I'd share it with all of you. Maybe it will help you as much as it's helped me.
P.S. I want to apologize for that post last night. Things kind of spiraled out of control. With this article, however, I'm hoping something like that will never happen again. May God bless your week, and remember: A smile can change someone's life. Enjoy.
* * *
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out, "ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on." Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety, and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings, and that any guarantee of happily ever after must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are. And that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of new-found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you or didn't do for you and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn't always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing, and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a consumer looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world, and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the
stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it. To give in to fear is to give away the right
to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. You learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
P.S. I want to apologize for that post last night. Things kind of spiraled out of control. With this article, however, I'm hoping something like that will never happen again. May God bless your week, and remember: A smile can change someone's life. Enjoy.
* * *
A time comes in your life when you finally get it. When, in the midst of all your fears and insanity, you stop dead in your tracks, and somewhere the voice inside your head cries out, "ENOUGH! Enough fighting and crying and blaming and struggling to hold on." Then, like a child quieting down after a tantrum, you blink back your tears and begin to look at the world through new eyes.
This is your awakening.
You realize it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to change, or for happiness, safety, and security to magically appear over the next horizon.
You realize that in the real world there aren't always fairytale endings, and that any guarantee of happily ever after must begin with you, and in the process a sense of serenity is born of acceptance.
You awaken to the fact that you are not perfect and that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or approve of who or what you are. And that's OK. They are entitled to their own views and opinions.
You learn the importance of loving and championing yourself, and in the process a sense of new-found confidence is born of self-approval.
You stop complaining and blaming other people for the things they did to you or didn't do for you and you learn that the only thing you can really count on is the unexpected.
You learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say and that not everyone will always be there for you and everything isn't always about you.
So, you learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself, and in the process a sense of safety and security is born of self-reliance.
You stop judging and pointing fingers and you begin to accept people as they are and to overlook their shortcomings and human frailties, and in the process a sense of peace and contentment is born of forgiveness.
You learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. You begin reassessing and redefining who you are and what you really stand for.
You learn the difference between wanting and needing and you begin to discard the doctrines and values you've outgrown, or should never have bought into to begin with.
You learn that there is power and glory in creating and contributing, and you stop maneuvering through life merely as a consumer looking for your next fix.
You learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which you must build a life.
You learn that you don't know everything, it's not your job to save the world, and that you can't teach a pig to sing. You learn the only cross to bear is the one you choose to carry and that martyrs get burned at the
stake.
Then you learn about love. You learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as you would have them be. You learn that alone does not mean lonely.
You stop trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. You learn to distinguish between guilt and responsibility and the importance of setting boundaries and learning to say NO.
You also stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside, smoothing things over, and ignoring your needs.
You learn that your body really is your temple. You begin to care for it and treat it with respect. You begin to eat a balanced diet, drink more water, and take more time to exercise.
You learn that being tired fuels doubt, fear, and uncertainty and so you take more time to rest. And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul. So you take more time to laugh and to play.
You learn that, for the most part, you get in life what you deserve, and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for and that wishing for something to happen is different than working toward making it happen.
More importantly, you learn that in order to achieve success you need direction, discipline, and perseverance. You learn that no one can do it all alone, and that it's OK to risk asking for help.
You learn the only thing you must truly fear is fear itself. You learn to step right into and through your fears because you know that whatever happens you can handle it. To give in to fear is to give away the right
to live life on your own terms.
You learn to fight for your life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
You learn that life isn't always fair, you don't always get what you think you deserve, and that sometimes bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. You learn not to always take it personally.
You learn that nobody's punishing you and everything isn't always somebody's fault. It's just life happening. You learn to admit when you are wrong and to build bridges instead of walls.
You learn that negative feelings such as anger, envy, and resentment must be understood and redirected or they will suffocate the life out of you and poison the universe that surrounds you.
You learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted, things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower.
Then, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself, and you make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never ever settle for less than your heart's desire.
You make it a point to keep smiling, to keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.
You hang a wind chime outside your window so you can listen to the wind.
Finally, with courage in your heart, you take a stand, you take a deep breath, and you begin to design the life you want to live as best as you can.
Friday, May 20, 2011
Day 5
Well, the first week is over. It sure was an information-filled start, but I got through the first week so that's got to count for something.
Today was busy. BV has their graduation tomorrow (?) and so people were checking in all day. I was actually lucky because when people weren't checking in or asking for some kind of instructions, I was busy doing odd jobs for one of the managers. It included paperwork. Lots of it, too, but I didn't mind at all. One, because it gave me something to do, and two, it helped make the time go a lot faster. Throw in a great plate of spaghetti with fantastic Texas Toast and today was easily the best of the five. I helped a woman set a reservation straight by talking on the phone for a solid half hour, checking and re-checking every little detail to make sure everything was as she wanted it to be. The good news is she was really nice and patient about the whole thing, which made it that much easier. I love it when that happens.
But the best part of my Friday was driving to Sioux City with John, picking out a graduation present that evoked laughs and thoughtful sighs, and then meeting the other John to go see Pirates 4. I'm very easily entertained, and this movie was no exception. I loved it. The other two weren't quite as ecstatic, but that's of no matter. I liked it and will continue to like it for a long time.
So tomorrow is a day off. A day to sleep in. A day to leisurely practice organ for Sunday. A day to maybe do a little accounting homework, but don't count on it. A day to bounce around to graduations with dear friends. A day to enjoy time with my friends and family. Another day. Before we know it, it'll be gone. But let's not go thinking about that before it happens. Let's enjoy it first. Goodnight, and happy 21st to you all!
Today was busy. BV has their graduation tomorrow (?) and so people were checking in all day. I was actually lucky because when people weren't checking in or asking for some kind of instructions, I was busy doing odd jobs for one of the managers. It included paperwork. Lots of it, too, but I didn't mind at all. One, because it gave me something to do, and two, it helped make the time go a lot faster. Throw in a great plate of spaghetti with fantastic Texas Toast and today was easily the best of the five. I helped a woman set a reservation straight by talking on the phone for a solid half hour, checking and re-checking every little detail to make sure everything was as she wanted it to be. The good news is she was really nice and patient about the whole thing, which made it that much easier. I love it when that happens.
But the best part of my Friday was driving to Sioux City with John, picking out a graduation present that evoked laughs and thoughtful sighs, and then meeting the other John to go see Pirates 4. I'm very easily entertained, and this movie was no exception. I loved it. The other two weren't quite as ecstatic, but that's of no matter. I liked it and will continue to like it for a long time.
So tomorrow is a day off. A day to sleep in. A day to leisurely practice organ for Sunday. A day to maybe do a little accounting homework, but don't count on it. A day to bounce around to graduations with dear friends. A day to enjoy time with my friends and family. Another day. Before we know it, it'll be gone. But let's not go thinking about that before it happens. Let's enjoy it first. Goodnight, and happy 21st to you all!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Day 4
Another day over. Yet another afternoon of financial accounting taking over my life. Yet another homework assignment that tells me I'm going to fail in the business world. Quite a stellar day if you think about it.
Work started out horrendously. A woman came in around 9:15. I believe she's set to get married in September and has a whole block of rooms reserved at the resort for anyone who wants to use them. Yesterday, I was handling a reservation of one individual who was looking to use a room in that block. Being new, I wasn't quite sure what I was doing, but since I'm a good little boy, I asked my manager for help. She ended up handling it, which was fine with me, and we went on our merry way. But then this woman shows up and starts freaking out about how that individual was given a rate that was way over the price that she had negotiated with the hotel earlier in the year. I had to go get another manager who helps at the front desk, and she proceeded to calm this woman down while handling the problem on my computer. While fixing this dilemma, she tried to show me how to handle these situations. Her hands were moving faster than I've ever seen, and she expected me to understand every single step, even though each step lasted a few milliseconds and then she was on to the next one. She was pushing so many buttons. She was clicking so many icons. Everything was moving too fast for me to follow. And then she left, thinking that she had done such a wonderful job. I stood there feeling incredibly stupid and dense. This job makes me feel that way every day. Everyone I work with knows how to deal with almost any problem that arises, and there I am, taking up space and cringing under the intense gazes of managers and customers alike.
The rest of the day was fine. Nothing major went wrong, which is always a plus in my book. Yet I can't get the feeling that my bosses are starting to get a little frustrated with me. I think they were hoping that I'd know more by now. But I don't. I spend eight hours a day in the main lobby and all I'm good for is making reservations. And I'm still not even sure I have that down. I've had to keep telling myself that I'll get better, but there comes a point when you just have to accept the inevitable. Was I meant to do well at this job? I don't think so anymore. And yet I'll have to stick it out for what looks like the rest of the summer because I have no other option. I'm as broke as any college student and not getting any less so for some time now. What a great twenty years I have to look forward to.
Work started out horrendously. A woman came in around 9:15. I believe she's set to get married in September and has a whole block of rooms reserved at the resort for anyone who wants to use them. Yesterday, I was handling a reservation of one individual who was looking to use a room in that block. Being new, I wasn't quite sure what I was doing, but since I'm a good little boy, I asked my manager for help. She ended up handling it, which was fine with me, and we went on our merry way. But then this woman shows up and starts freaking out about how that individual was given a rate that was way over the price that she had negotiated with the hotel earlier in the year. I had to go get another manager who helps at the front desk, and she proceeded to calm this woman down while handling the problem on my computer. While fixing this dilemma, she tried to show me how to handle these situations. Her hands were moving faster than I've ever seen, and she expected me to understand every single step, even though each step lasted a few milliseconds and then she was on to the next one. She was pushing so many buttons. She was clicking so many icons. Everything was moving too fast for me to follow. And then she left, thinking that she had done such a wonderful job. I stood there feeling incredibly stupid and dense. This job makes me feel that way every day. Everyone I work with knows how to deal with almost any problem that arises, and there I am, taking up space and cringing under the intense gazes of managers and customers alike.
The rest of the day was fine. Nothing major went wrong, which is always a plus in my book. Yet I can't get the feeling that my bosses are starting to get a little frustrated with me. I think they were hoping that I'd know more by now. But I don't. I spend eight hours a day in the main lobby and all I'm good for is making reservations. And I'm still not even sure I have that down. I've had to keep telling myself that I'll get better, but there comes a point when you just have to accept the inevitable. Was I meant to do well at this job? I don't think so anymore. And yet I'll have to stick it out for what looks like the rest of the summer because I have no other option. I'm as broke as any college student and not getting any less so for some time now. What a great twenty years I have to look forward to.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Day 3
MMMMMMMMMMMMMM....................................... DA BEBE!!!!! She is just getting more and more adorable every single day. I'm so glad she lives here so I can gawk. Such a wonderful baby niece!
For those of you who are wondering, I don't plan on posting for every single day of work this summer. I'm just doing this first week, for this will probably be the roughest week since I'm still getting used to the ins and outs of being a front desk clerk. But I'm happy to report that although today got really busy at the end of my shift, it was the best day of the three so far. I'm still learning lots of stuff, but I've got the basic skills down pretty well so that should help from here on out. I had a few problems today and sadly the woman who hired me, who was supposed to work with me today, decided to disappear right at those moments, but everything was put right in the end. I hope. At times I worry that I'm doing everything wrong by just making a small, very minute error in some random place. Yet even the smallest error could throw off the whole system, so it's pretty intense. Yet I haven't been fired or pulled into my manager's office, so I guess I'm doing all right.
Tomorrow is when people start checking in for the very, VERY busy weekend. BV's graduation is this weekend, and let me tell you, King's Pointe is BOOKED! Things will probably get crazy tomorrow and the stress level will rise to code red, but I'm confident that I'll at least survive. I have these past three days, so I might as well last one more, right? Until tomorrow. Cole out.
For those of you who are wondering, I don't plan on posting for every single day of work this summer. I'm just doing this first week, for this will probably be the roughest week since I'm still getting used to the ins and outs of being a front desk clerk. But I'm happy to report that although today got really busy at the end of my shift, it was the best day of the three so far. I'm still learning lots of stuff, but I've got the basic skills down pretty well so that should help from here on out. I had a few problems today and sadly the woman who hired me, who was supposed to work with me today, decided to disappear right at those moments, but everything was put right in the end. I hope. At times I worry that I'm doing everything wrong by just making a small, very minute error in some random place. Yet even the smallest error could throw off the whole system, so it's pretty intense. Yet I haven't been fired or pulled into my manager's office, so I guess I'm doing all right.
Tomorrow is when people start checking in for the very, VERY busy weekend. BV's graduation is this weekend, and let me tell you, King's Pointe is BOOKED! Things will probably get crazy tomorrow and the stress level will rise to code red, but I'm confident that I'll at least survive. I have these past three days, so I might as well last one more, right? Until tomorrow. Cole out.
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Day 2
Coming home from work is always better if you have a cute niece to watch, especially when she's trying to eat the arm of a rocking chair.
Today seemed to go a little smoother. I walked through those sliding doors at 7:00 a.m. with a little different attitude. After having slept for a decent amount of time and listening to some pretty catchy "cunch" on the radio, things seemed to fall into place a little easier. Reservations seemed simpler. I actually answered a few questions asked by customers all by myself. A certain woman called with a complaint and she hung up the phone with a compliment, which in my book is a check on the positive side of the chart. I even had a bite of a chicken quesadilla, which was fantastic.
So maybe I won't fail as bad as I thought at being so responsible. I guess only tomorrow will tell. I'm working with the woman who hired me instead of a fellow employee, so the real test will be tomorrow morning. But now I need food, so Hot Pockets, here I come! (I've had a craving for them since the moment I came out of surgery a week ago).
Today seemed to go a little smoother. I walked through those sliding doors at 7:00 a.m. with a little different attitude. After having slept for a decent amount of time and listening to some pretty catchy "cunch" on the radio, things seemed to fall into place a little easier. Reservations seemed simpler. I actually answered a few questions asked by customers all by myself. A certain woman called with a complaint and she hung up the phone with a compliment, which in my book is a check on the positive side of the chart. I even had a bite of a chicken quesadilla, which was fantastic.
So maybe I won't fail as bad as I thought at being so responsible. I guess only tomorrow will tell. I'm working with the woman who hired me instead of a fellow employee, so the real test will be tomorrow morning. But now I need food, so Hot Pockets, here I come! (I've had a craving for them since the moment I came out of surgery a week ago).
Monday, May 16, 2011
Day 1
Tired. Angry. Frustrated. Impatient. Snappy. Exhausted. All words I would use to describe myself right now.
The first day is over. I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't that. Eight hours of standing, then walking, then standing again really takes it out of you. Especially when the longest shift you've ever worked is four hours. I know, I know. "Welcome to the real world," you'll tell me. Yeah. Thanks. I understand that up til now my life has been one enormous joke. The jobs I've held have never asked for more than four hours of my time each day. Work has never stressed me out. I've never gone home from work with a headache or feet that are screaming in pain or legs that just don't want to go back. I must be pretty pathetic complaining about eight-hour shifts. You try listening to two girls rant about their boyfriends and ex-boyfriends for four hours. NONSTOP. Yeah. That's what I thought.
Tomorrow marks Day 2. At least tomorrow I'll have somewhat of a clue what is expected of me. But I still have a long way to go before I could be thought of as "comfortable on the job," so I guess that's what I need to strive for in the future. My head is starting to hurt again, so I'll sign off for now. Goodnight, and good luck.
The first day is over. I'm not sure what I expected, but it wasn't that. Eight hours of standing, then walking, then standing again really takes it out of you. Especially when the longest shift you've ever worked is four hours. I know, I know. "Welcome to the real world," you'll tell me. Yeah. Thanks. I understand that up til now my life has been one enormous joke. The jobs I've held have never asked for more than four hours of my time each day. Work has never stressed me out. I've never gone home from work with a headache or feet that are screaming in pain or legs that just don't want to go back. I must be pretty pathetic complaining about eight-hour shifts. You try listening to two girls rant about their boyfriends and ex-boyfriends for four hours. NONSTOP. Yeah. That's what I thought.
Tomorrow marks Day 2. At least tomorrow I'll have somewhat of a clue what is expected of me. But I still have a long way to go before I could be thought of as "comfortable on the job," so I guess that's what I need to strive for in the future. My head is starting to hurt again, so I'll sign off for now. Goodnight, and good luck.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Afternoon Daydreams
It's a curious feeling sitting here on the couch for the fourth day in a row. So much time to myself really lets my mind roam like a buffalo in the Black Hills, probably in part because of all the drugs I'm taking. I'm still not sure what I would prefer: a life of luxury where I could lay around on the couch all day and not worry about anything, or a life of action, responsibilities, and things to do. I love not having anything to worry about but I'm not much of a fan of the boredom, for even the Internet can get boring after being on it for hours upon end.
But what is really harping on my mind right now is the fact that there are only 40 hours until I'll be leaving for the first real job of my life. I've been hired to work at King's Pointe in Storm Lake, a water park resort and hotel, as a front desk clerk. When I first applied for the job, I told myself that it couldn't be too tough. What could be so hard about standing behind a desk and dealing with reservations and customer service? But then I went in for my first interview and was smacked in the face with so much information that it scared me. I have to work with their computer systems. I have to handle all reservations and every customer, good and bad. I am officially the "face" of King's Pointe, which means that I am the first impression people get when they stay there. It may not seem like a big deal, but that's a lot of pressure. My last job only asked me to make coffee and be able to clean. To succeed at this new workplace, I'll have to step up my game. I just hope I'm up for the challenge.
But as we all know, I'm a complicated person, and therefore my mind juggles many thoughts at once. While my new job is one of my biggest worries, I also float around to the time of year it is. Graduations, from high school and college, are happening. This is the year of John Lorenzen, of Eric Rasmussen, of Ashley Drey. This is the year of my brother Caleb and my teammates Jon, Kyle, Scott, and Danny. It's crazy to think that I'll never play tennis with those four again. It's crazy to think that John and Eric, along with myself and our whole group, are already finished with two years of our college career. And of course, Ashley Drey graduating high school is no small feat. How time flies, huh? She'll be one of us next year...
But as I said, graduation season. I'm off to one right now actually: Jessica Aaren Mathes. I'm looking forward to seeing Breanna for the first time in a while, and also to some wonderful food and fellowship. Until next time.
But what is really harping on my mind right now is the fact that there are only 40 hours until I'll be leaving for the first real job of my life. I've been hired to work at King's Pointe in Storm Lake, a water park resort and hotel, as a front desk clerk. When I first applied for the job, I told myself that it couldn't be too tough. What could be so hard about standing behind a desk and dealing with reservations and customer service? But then I went in for my first interview and was smacked in the face with so much information that it scared me. I have to work with their computer systems. I have to handle all reservations and every customer, good and bad. I am officially the "face" of King's Pointe, which means that I am the first impression people get when they stay there. It may not seem like a big deal, but that's a lot of pressure. My last job only asked me to make coffee and be able to clean. To succeed at this new workplace, I'll have to step up my game. I just hope I'm up for the challenge.
But as we all know, I'm a complicated person, and therefore my mind juggles many thoughts at once. While my new job is one of my biggest worries, I also float around to the time of year it is. Graduations, from high school and college, are happening. This is the year of John Lorenzen, of Eric Rasmussen, of Ashley Drey. This is the year of my brother Caleb and my teammates Jon, Kyle, Scott, and Danny. It's crazy to think that I'll never play tennis with those four again. It's crazy to think that John and Eric, along with myself and our whole group, are already finished with two years of our college career. And of course, Ashley Drey graduating high school is no small feat. How time flies, huh? She'll be one of us next year...
But as I said, graduation season. I'm off to one right now actually: Jessica Aaren Mathes. I'm looking forward to seeing Breanna for the first time in a while, and also to some wonderful food and fellowship. Until next time.
Friday, May 13, 2011
Shadows Cast By Others Or By Us Standing In Our Own Sunshine?
It's never easy walking through high school in someone else's shadow. Just ask Aunt Mona in "You Again." Walking in anyone's shadow is never enjoyable, but when it's your best friend, that shadow seems to simply tower over you, even if they don't mean it to. They're often too busy being themselves and enjoying their lives to realize the shadow they cast. It's not their fault. It's who they are and no one can blame them for being liked and accepted. They're smart, they're funny, everyone loves being around them. Heck, people love the idea of being them. They're attractive, they make people laugh, they radiate confidence in whatever they do. They have so many traits that we don't - traits we wish we had but could never possibly possess. The combination it takes of personality and skill to be so "normal" seems to come naturally to them. Maybe they're not so good at basketball or track, but they're a heck of hunter, fisher, and car fanatic. Maybe speed and flexibility aren't top on their list, but honesty, trustworthiness, strength, and patience are definite, suitable replacements.
And there we are, enjoying the shade because it rules out the possibility of a sunburn but hating ourselves for bringing our best friend down whenever we're seen with them. We were never that popular or accepted ourselves, so when we're seen walking alongside them in the hallway or sitting next to them at a basketball game or the lunch table, heads begin to shake in puzzlement. Sometimes they're asked why they hang out with us. For all we know, they don't know how to respond. They're not quite sure themselves.
And then they give in and drink. They go to a party for the first time and really enjoy themselves. They realize what a great time they can have with these guys and start hanging out with them more frequently. They're too responsible to ever get involved with cigarettes or anything like that, but the door has now been opened to alcohol and it doesn't look like it will close anytime soon.
But they still find time for us. We still hang out, we still talk until one in the morning, we still go places and have great times. By now, they've mastered the idea of a "double life" and are able to pull it off flawlessly. The fact that they've now perfected another field that we lack so much experience in makes us even more in awe of what they can do. Yet sadly it also allows another difference to surface between us. Something else that has the potential to pull us farther apart has come to light. Could they really truly enjoy us that much? Do they really feel that close and connected to us? They promise friendship and loyalty, and because of everything they've done, we trust them to the very core. Yet deep down inside, we worry for them. We worry that someday they'll wake up and realize that they've wasted so much time - so many years - hanging out with us instead of doing something much more enjoyable. Something so much more meaningful with their life. What will happen when that day comes?
And there we are, enjoying the shade because it rules out the possibility of a sunburn but hating ourselves for bringing our best friend down whenever we're seen with them. We were never that popular or accepted ourselves, so when we're seen walking alongside them in the hallway or sitting next to them at a basketball game or the lunch table, heads begin to shake in puzzlement. Sometimes they're asked why they hang out with us. For all we know, they don't know how to respond. They're not quite sure themselves.
And then they give in and drink. They go to a party for the first time and really enjoy themselves. They realize what a great time they can have with these guys and start hanging out with them more frequently. They're too responsible to ever get involved with cigarettes or anything like that, but the door has now been opened to alcohol and it doesn't look like it will close anytime soon.
But they still find time for us. We still hang out, we still talk until one in the morning, we still go places and have great times. By now, they've mastered the idea of a "double life" and are able to pull it off flawlessly. The fact that they've now perfected another field that we lack so much experience in makes us even more in awe of what they can do. Yet sadly it also allows another difference to surface between us. Something else that has the potential to pull us farther apart has come to light. Could they really truly enjoy us that much? Do they really feel that close and connected to us? They promise friendship and loyalty, and because of everything they've done, we trust them to the very core. Yet deep down inside, we worry for them. We worry that someday they'll wake up and realize that they've wasted so much time - so many years - hanging out with us instead of doing something much more enjoyable. Something so much more meaningful with their life. What will happen when that day comes?
Friday, May 6, 2011
We're Halfway There
To my esteemed colleagues and friends of the same age and academic standing:
We are officially finished with two years of our college career. Two years. Two years of homework, stress, tests, quizzes, papers, projects, and presentations: completed. To those of us who are doing four years, we're halfway done. We've completed two years of hard work. There are only two years left, and then it's out into the real world for us. No more cramming to get that last bit of information into our heads ten minutes before that huge test. No more staying up until 3:00 in the morning to finish that huge paper that's due at 8:00 the next morning. It's the real world, ladies and gentlemen. Life only gets harder.
But for now, let's focus on the fact that we've accomplished so much in these two years. We've braved the chaos that seemed to want to swallow us whole when we arrived at college for the first time. We made friends in those first few weeks and months and, God-willing, still have them by our side. At times, we patiently accepted the intensity, the ferocity that is known as "college work," and other times, we simply broke down in anger, frustration, or exhaustion. But we continued on with a dogged determination, refusing to admit defeat to that enemy we know as procrastination. It seemed inevitable, at times, that he would fully conquer us, but while he managed to win a few battles, we eventually won the war.
Christmas, Easter, spring break, and then it was summer time! We all reunited in love and fellowship and exchanged stories, good and bad, about our freshman years. We reacquainted ourselves with our old habits and once again settled into a three-month summer of fun, games, talks, family, and friends. But then it was over, and we were back at college again.
The second year was much more comfortable for most. We met up with old friends and exchanged stories, also good and bad, about our summers and how amazing they all were. It wasn't long before work began to pile up due to our old foe, Mr. Procrastination. Yet we would not be conquered and soon found ourselves studying for finals in May. Through many games of sand volleyball, many horrible meals in Janzow, multiple injuries from the physicality of our lives, and many laughs and tears, we finally finished our second year by reaching, for some of us, the halfway point in our college education. It wasn't always easy, but we've now reached that milestone and we're still chuggin' on strong!
So here we are. Two years older than when we started our freshman campaign on our campuses. Two years wiser than when leaving our high school hallways. Two more years of maturity under our belts, for in these two years, we've suffered through more than just impossible homework. Best friends have grown apart. Enemies have become allies. Relationships have been pushed to their boundaries and beyond, strengthening some while devastating others. But here we all are. We're alive, we're healthy, and we're basking in the sunshine of summer 2011. May it be another summer of memories: bonfires, birthday parties, cat-and-mouse games in cars, hide-and-go-seek in the dark games in church basements, capture the flag games on golf courses, movies, talks, four square, friends, families, and more. We deserve a little break, so let's make it one heck of a vacation. Summer, here we come!
We are officially finished with two years of our college career. Two years. Two years of homework, stress, tests, quizzes, papers, projects, and presentations: completed. To those of us who are doing four years, we're halfway done. We've completed two years of hard work. There are only two years left, and then it's out into the real world for us. No more cramming to get that last bit of information into our heads ten minutes before that huge test. No more staying up until 3:00 in the morning to finish that huge paper that's due at 8:00 the next morning. It's the real world, ladies and gentlemen. Life only gets harder.
But for now, let's focus on the fact that we've accomplished so much in these two years. We've braved the chaos that seemed to want to swallow us whole when we arrived at college for the first time. We made friends in those first few weeks and months and, God-willing, still have them by our side. At times, we patiently accepted the intensity, the ferocity that is known as "college work," and other times, we simply broke down in anger, frustration, or exhaustion. But we continued on with a dogged determination, refusing to admit defeat to that enemy we know as procrastination. It seemed inevitable, at times, that he would fully conquer us, but while he managed to win a few battles, we eventually won the war.
Christmas, Easter, spring break, and then it was summer time! We all reunited in love and fellowship and exchanged stories, good and bad, about our freshman years. We reacquainted ourselves with our old habits and once again settled into a three-month summer of fun, games, talks, family, and friends. But then it was over, and we were back at college again.
The second year was much more comfortable for most. We met up with old friends and exchanged stories, also good and bad, about our summers and how amazing they all were. It wasn't long before work began to pile up due to our old foe, Mr. Procrastination. Yet we would not be conquered and soon found ourselves studying for finals in May. Through many games of sand volleyball, many horrible meals in Janzow, multiple injuries from the physicality of our lives, and many laughs and tears, we finally finished our second year by reaching, for some of us, the halfway point in our college education. It wasn't always easy, but we've now reached that milestone and we're still chuggin' on strong!
So here we are. Two years older than when we started our freshman campaign on our campuses. Two years wiser than when leaving our high school hallways. Two more years of maturity under our belts, for in these two years, we've suffered through more than just impossible homework. Best friends have grown apart. Enemies have become allies. Relationships have been pushed to their boundaries and beyond, strengthening some while devastating others. But here we all are. We're alive, we're healthy, and we're basking in the sunshine of summer 2011. May it be another summer of memories: bonfires, birthday parties, cat-and-mouse games in cars, hide-and-go-seek in the dark games in church basements, capture the flag games on golf courses, movies, talks, four square, friends, families, and more. We deserve a little break, so let's make it one heck of a vacation. Summer, here we come!
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Would You Just Look At THIS!!
This has to be one of the funniest videos I've ever seen. Thank you Ryan Roehrig for showing it to me. I'm sure you've all seen it or at least heard of it. For those of you who haven't seen it, enjoy. I'm pretty sure half the student body of Concordia is quoting it by now. You can hear them from my room when they're on the sand volleyball court. It's hilarious. I thought that this would be a good time for some comedy relief, especially for us Concordians with all of our tests this week. Maybe this will help. Hope you're all having luck with your finals!
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