Woes of a College Senior

You know… There are just times when you hate life. I know that’s not a Christian thing to say. As God’s children, we always have things to be thankful for. And I believe that with all my heart. There’s proof of that every day. Friends, family, roommates, beautiful weather, a clear night sky with moon and stars shining down. And yet we still find ourselves in spots where we just can’t see a way out. And it’s scary. So much work to do. So much to do. SO MUCH TO DO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It doesn’t seem possible, especially considering the timeline. How can I get this done when I have a presentation to prepare? How can I complete this service learning project when I have tennis matches to play? How can I search for a job when this little thing called school is taking up all of my life? 

And then even more doubt seeps in. How can all this happen to me? What have I done? Was this the right choice? Was Concordia the best choice? Did I just pick the easy route that would get me through the next four years instead of trying to find something I would love doing? Why is it that I’m never included? Why am I so different? And I mean SO DIFFERENT. Why do people invite others to anything – and I do mean anything – right in front of me but fail to include me? Why does it matter so much to me? What’s wrong with me? Why can’t I be like everyone else?

Why did we have to graduate high school? I had figured so much out. Why do we have to continue to grow older? Why does the world demand we get jobs and have to pay taxes? Why do people fight so much? Why do wars continue to be a part of our existence? How far have we fallen? Why is life so hard? Does God still love me, even after EVERYTHING I’ve done? How could He? It doesn’t make any sense. How could He love us but put us through all of this? There’s so much we don’t know.

Why does Concordia cost so much? Why does the tennis team have no money? Why can’t Concordia put more money into the tennis team? We’re an athletic team, too… We have needs just like the women’s basketball team and the football team and the track team. Why isn’t the team more connected? We’re a TEAM. Why aren’t we close? Why were we separated from our friends back home when those friendships were so important to us?

Why is being emotional so uncommon for a guy? Why is it bad? Why are we looked at differently? If anything, we’re more mature than those idiots girls usually date. And we treat girls way better than those other tools do. Yet the dating paradigm is still against us. I’m sorry I’m not ripped with the IQ of a napkin. Why is love never reciprocated? Even friends don’t show it. So much is given. Being selfish is bad. I know that. What is the point of everything? If we’re all going to die eventually, why do we have to spend so much to go to college? Why is money so prevalent? If the world is such a bad place and we’re not supposed to dwell on things in it or of it, why are there such temptations? Why did Adam and Eve have to sin? Why are there movies that leave us wanting so much but can deliver nothing? Why does my imagination run wild? So many bad things come from it. Dwelling on ideas instead of acting.

*          *          *

Yeah… it’s a lot. But then there are those times when life is… beautiful. We have so much. God truly loves us and cares for us every day. It will all work out in the end. God will see it done. He promises.

Success!!

I have finally found out how to get to my blog at school. Thank you, other student in Science of Everyday Things! Someday, I'll finally get this thing back on track, but today isn't that day. Stress is at maximum level and I'm just trying to get through each day as it comes. But no worries. I'm still alive, and I don't intend on giving up anytime soon. Here's hoping you're all having a better semester than me!

Talk to you soon.